The trick is to keep breathing
by avapouhi
Summary: Some people never change. Or do they? In the midst of the war that is tearing apart the wizarding world, can you learn to trust the one who hurt you so much? Can you learn to love him? Warning: this will be slash later on.
1. Chapter one

Disclaimer : Everything belongs to J K Rowling except my plot and maybe a few spells of my invention

A/N: This story takes place in 6th year, this will be slash later on so homophobic flamers can save themselves the pain of reading this.

                                                                 _Chapter one  _

'Detention, Potter! Class dismissed!'

And that was what had done it. Harry's first week back at Hogwarts was officially the worst of his life. 

'What have I done to deserve this?' he asked nobody in particular.

 'You were born, Potter', came that annoyingly familiar drawling voice. 'That in itself was the greatest possible insult to humanity.'

'Oh yeah? I thought you were.' came Harry's tired reply.

'What happened Potter? Left all your witty comebacks with your mudblood relatives in Surrey?'

'How d'you know…' How  Malfoy knew about his relatives in Surrey, however, Harry never knew, because at that precise moment a deafening crash came from the now almost empty potions classroom.

'_Fifty points from Gryffindor for your…y-your stupidity, Longbottom_!' yelled the potions master, stuttering with anger.

Suddenly, Harry didn't want to know what had happened, didn't want to see Neville's pathetic face emerge from the classroom, didn't want to hear the laughs and the taunts of the Slytherins, he just wanted to go away. Now.

And so he turned and began racing down the corridor, pushing past the other students, not caring about the angry shouts he was receiving. He pushed open the heavy entrance doors and kept on running as fast as he could, feeling the wind whip his face and sting his eyes. His legs were already aching from the intense run, and his heart, beating wildly in his chest, was begging him to stop, but he didn't care, he was feeling too good, he was…_feeling_ something, feeling alive. Finally, face and hands numb from the cold, he came to a halt and let himself fall to the ground, breathing heavily and feeling like his chest was going to explode from the thumping of his heart. Staring up at the clear September sky, he swallowed painfully and decided that he was not ready to go back to the castle just yet.

Wrapping his cloak tightly around him, he curled up on the cool grass and, exhausted, drifted off to sleep.

                                     *******************************

'Harry! Harry, wake up! Harry, it's eight!'

Harry opened two sleepy eyes to discover his best friend peering at his face with concern.

'Are you alright? What are you doing here? We've been looking for you everywhere, you missed dinner, mate.'

'Did I ?' Harry mumbled. 'Shit.' He closed his eyes, opened them again and stood up awkwardly, taking Ron's arm to support his unsteady weight. 

'Come on, I'm taking you to Madam Pomfrey.'

'No, there's no need for that, I'm fine.', Harry protested feebly.

'No you're not. You're cold as ice. Honestly, what kind of idiot would fall asleep outside in this weather!'

This time Harry didn't respond, he was starting to shiver and was finding it more and more difficult to support his own weight. And then suddenly everything went blank.

                                     ********************************

When he woke up next he was lying in one of the beds in the hospital wing, and according to the warm rays of sunshine that came from the window next to him, a night had passed.

'Good morning dear', came the school nurse's cheerful voice. 'How are we feeling today?'

'We're fine, thanks', Harry muttered with some difficulty. His mouth was very dry.

Madam Pomfrey gave a little laugh. 'Well, if you're well enough for making jokes, you should be able to go to your first class in an hour. Now take this', she added more firmly, handing Harry a glass filled with a clear blue liquid.

The young boy sat up in his bed and eyed the drink suspiciously.

 'What's in this?'

'Never you mind, Potter, it'll help you feel better.' 

And seeing Harry's mistrusting face, she added exasperatedly ' Honestly, you youngsters always seem to think I'm going to poison you at the first occasion! Really Potter, if I wanted to kill you, I could have done it a thousand times and make it look like an accident quicker than you can say Skele-Gro!'

A bit shocked at her declaration, Harry lifted the glass to his lips and emptied it in one gulp. Instantly, he felt his strenght recover and his mind clear up. In fact, he felt like climbing up a mountain!

'Thank you very much, Madam Pomfrey, I'd better get going now.' And with that he got out of bed and walked briskly to the door, ready to eat a dozen Snapes for breakfast.

'Potter, wait! You forgot your clothes!'

                                   *********************************

Half an hour later, now fully dressed and sitting at the Gryffindor table, Harry was finishing his breakfast, listening to his two best friends bickering about the coming Haloween ball.

'Ron, I told you, I already have a date for the ball!'

'Are you doing this to get back at me because I didn't ask you to the Yule ball in fourth year?'

'As a matter of fact, I think you did, after you realized that no "real" girl would go with you!' Hermione snapped angrily.

'God, Hermione, will you never forget about this?', Ron asked incredulously.

'Listen', she said, and Harry could see she was trying her best to stay calm, 'I won't go with you, because I'm going with Terry.'

'Terry Boot? That Ravenclaw guy?' Ron looked as he didn't believe his ears. 'But why?'

'Because he's nice, we have a lot in common, and he asked me. Besides, we're supposed to go with someone from another house, remember? So here you are.' And before Ron could reply, she got up and headed to the exit.

'See you two in Charms', she called back before pushing the doors open.  

'We'd better go too, you know', Harry said, standing up and stretching his arms above his head.

'Yeah', Ron answered absent-mindedly, his gaze unfocused.

'Ron? You okay?'

'Yeah' he said again, this time standing up and following Harry towards the doors.

'I honestly don't get what Dumbledore is playing at, planning a ball when the threat from Voldemort is more heavy than ever' Harry said, shaking his head.

'Well, Dad said it's part of Dumbledore's inter-houses friendship idea. He thinks we should all be united against the Dark forces.'

'I guess he's right', Harry said, frowning at the sight of Malfoy scaring the living daylights out of a young Hufflepuff with one glare.

'Some people don't seem to get the idea, though.'

'Well, did you really expect that bastard to?' Ron asked disbelievingly, following Harry's gaze.

'I don't know. It's just that…'

'It's just what?'

'Nothing. Nothing, you're right, Malfoy probably already has an ugly skull printed on his forearm.'

'I hope it hurt.' Ron spat, his eyes shooting fiery daggers at the Slytherin. Just then, the blond looked up and met them. He looked shocked for a fraction of second but quickly recovered and sent a smirk in Harry's direction before turning away.

'Stupid brat.'

'Yeah…'

Surprised at his friend's lack of conviction, Ron raised his eyebrows at him. However, Harry's mind was already far away, as he had just noticed an odd lookind bruise on Malfoy's neck. It was faded, almost a shadow, and concluding to a trick of the light, he dismissed the thought that the Slytherin looked just as if someone had tried to strangle him.

                                          *****************************

Harry's detention was to take place with Hagrid that night, and he found himself rather looking forward to it, as he hadn't had the time yet to visit his half-giant friend.

However, when at nine o'clock he knocked on the wooden door of the small hut, he was welcomed by nothing but silence. Thinking that Hagrid was probably off somewhere fulfilling his gamekeeper duties, he decided to wait for him. 

Checking his watch at regular intervals, Harry was growing more and more nervous, Hagrid was usually on time. Maybe something had happened to him? At half past nine Harry set off for the castle again, breaking into a run as he felt an unpleasant sensation of dread in the pit of his stomach. 

Suddenly, as he was a few feet away from the entrance of the castle, a white shadow caught his eye. Squinting his eyes in the growing darkness, he was struck by the sight of someone in a white, shimmering cloak creeping toward the edge of the forbidden forest. Forgetting all about what he was doing, he began to follow the ghostlike vision, dazed by its purity, entraced by its graceful movements.A magnetic force was guiding his footsteps, and he felt like he would never take his eyes off the creature again.

But the person, or whatever it was, disappeared behind a tree and Harry stopped in his tracks, suddenly remembering where he was going before the angelic creature diverted him.

'That was strange', he thought, and he ran back to the castle in hope of finding a teacher who could tell him where Hagrid was.

It turned out that the Care of Magical Creatures teacher was out on a new mission for the Order, and would be replaced by professor Grubby Plank for the following weeks. Harry felt relieved as he left professor Mc Gonagall's office, and headed happily for the Gryffindor common room, since his Head of house didn't think much of taking charge of his detention herself.

Humming to himself, Harry was starting to think that maybe his life wasn't so bad after all, when he was abruptly knocked over by someone running in the opposite direction.

'Potter! Why do you always have to be on my way?!'

Harry was too stunned to respond, or even to get up from his spot on the floor. Eyes widened in shock, he stared at the corner behind which the boy had disappeared for several minutes.

Malfoy was wearing a white silk cloak.


	2. Chapter two

Disclaimer : I own nothing

                                                       Chapter two 

The next morning at breakfast, Harry's mind was still preoccupied by his encounter with Malfoy the night before. Was it possible that the strangely beautiful creature he had felt so attracted to was in fact…Malfoy? There was no way Malfoy could be considered beautiful, he was sure of that. Scanning the crowd of students filling the Great Hall, he found the object of his musings sitting alone at the far end of the Slytherin table. Wait. Malfoy, alone? Harry wondered idly where his two gorillas had gone before deciding he didn't care. Instead, he began studying his enemy's face as objectively as possible. Mmh…extra-pale complexion, white-blond hair, icy-grey eyes…yep, Draco Malfoy was the perfect picture of a living ghost.

'Hey, Hermione?'

'Mmmh..' she mumbled absently from behind her Arithmancy textbook.

'Do you find Malfoy good-looking?' This got her attention.

'What? Why would you ask such a question?'

'Just wondering. So?'

'I don't know', she began thoughtfully, looking towards the Slytherin table as well. 'I've never looked at him this way, but come to think about it, he does have a kind of…ethereal beauty. It's hard to define, really, but he certainly is attractive. It's funny, I've never noticed before.'

'Funny…' Harry echoed, frowning. The bruises he had seen on Malfoy's neck were not a trick of the light after all, for he could see them again, bluey-grey prints on the perfectly white skin. He watched the blond get up and walk out of the Hall, wondering what was up with that new attitude of his. All week Malfoy had been more distant than ever, except for a couple of passing remarks in the corridors. And now he seemed to be getting away from his friends too. 

Harry stood up from his seat too, and deciding he had spent way too much time of his Saturday thinking about a stupid arrogant brat such as Malfoy, he went straight to Gryffindor tower in order to drag Ron, awake or not, to the Quidditch pitch.

                                       *************************************

Three hours later, a very muddy but ecstatic looking Harry entered the Gryffindor common room, closely followed by a panting Ron, a matching smile etched on his features.

'Where is everybody?'

'Eating lunch. I've been waiting for you two. Now go change and please hurry, I'm starving!'

'No need to tell me twice!'

Harry took a step forward in order to follow his red-headed friend, but a hand on his right arm made him turn around with raised eyebrows.

'Harry, I've been thinking about what you asked me this morning, you know, about Malfoy', she added upon Harry's confused face.

'And?'

'Well, it's just…'she trailed off, her cheeks slightly pink.

'Please, Hermione, I'm really hungry and dirty here, so if you could…'

'Okay, okay. Were you asking me this because - because you were worried that Malfoy was better-looking than you?'

Harry almost laughed at her anxious expression, but caught himself just in time.

'Of course not, Hermione. What in the world gave you that idea?'

'Oh, it's nothing.' she said with a dismissive wave of the hand, 'just something I heard some Ravenclaw girls giggle about…'

'If  you're talking about Cho, you can say her name. And it's no big deal if she fancies Malfoy, I don't really care about her anymore.'

'Oh. You don't.' She looked a little put out.

'No.' Harry shrugged, 'I guess it was just a crush, nothing more.'

'Oh.' She said again. 'Well that's a relief, you and Malfoy compete enough on the Quidditch pitch without you two fighting over a girl.'

Harry gave a little laugh. 'I really appreciate your concern, Hermione, but you worry too much about me.'

'Yeah, well you'd better start worrying too, cause lunch will be over in thirteen minutes.' She smirked, looking at her watch.

Harry never made it faster to his dormitory. Stumbling in the stairs, he heard Hermione's voice calling after him.

'Oh, and Harry, in case you were wondering, he's defenitely not!'

Frowning, Harry tried to decipher his friend's enigmatic declaration. Hermione's anxious inquiry a few minutes earlier finally came back to his mind, and, smiling, he called back.

'Thanks!'

                                         **************************************

Later that night, as he was confortably sitting in his favourite armchair playing chess with Ron – well, losing spectacularly, actually, but who cares?-, Harry was feeling relaxed and almost carefree, as if he didn't have a single worry in the world. 'What's happening to me?', he thought, watching Ron's triumphant smile as he took his opponent's Queen with a white Knight. 'Yesterday I felt things couldn't get any worse, and now…I feel…good.'

'Checkmate!'Ron grinned broadly and stood up to bow to the audience, which consisted of Dean, Seamus, Hermione and a couple of studying seven-years. Dean and Seamus cheered, Hermione sighed and the seven-years shot annoyed glares in Ron's direction, while Harry was feeling…bored.

'Well done, Ron, you were great, as usual. I don't know why I even bother playing against you when I so obviously suck at this game.'

'Don't say that, mate, you'll get better, you just need some practice!'

'Yeah, maybe you're right.' Harry stood up and yawned widely. 'I think I'm going to go get some sleep.'

'Already?' Ron asked with wide eyes. 'It's only half past nine!'

'Really? Feels more like eleven to me. Can I see your watch?'

'Why would I lie to you?'

'I dunno.'It was becoming harder and harder to keep his eyes open. 'Look, I don't care how early it is, I'm exhausted.'

And with another yawn, he climbed the stairs leading to the boy's dormitory, before collapsing on his bed, fully dressed.

                                         *************************************

The following days passed in a sort of happy blur for Harry. He was eating, sleeping, going to classes and playing Quidditch, and everything was as normal as possible, except for the fact that he slept nearly twelve hours every night and that his friends kept asking him if he was feeling alright. The truth was that he was feeling better than he had in years, and nobody seemed to think it was right! Harry was beginning to wonder wether his friends wanted him to be happy or not.

'I'm fine, Hermione!' He said for what seemed to be the three hundredth time in a week. 'I'm just tired, that's all!'

'But you sleep all the time! And there's something else, you…you're not yourself anymore. It's like you don't care about anything anymore!'

'And what if I don't? Why can't I just be happy living my own life without taking care of everyone else's all the time!' Harry snapped angrily. 

'Because it's not you!' Hermione shouted back. 

'Oh, so now you know me better than I know myself?'Harry yelled, his temper rising by every passing minute.

'No, but I've been your friend for five years, and I think I know you quite well!'She said with equal anger.

 'I'm not a book you can read and learn by heart, Hermione! I'm a human being, and I'd like to live my life without you constantly looking over my shoulder! If that's how you're gonna act as a friend, well maybe I don't need your friendship!'

A shocked silence followed Harry's words, everybody in the common room having long since stopped their own conversations to listen to the argument.

'Very well.' Came Hermione's voice, very calm and cold as ice. 'Maybe you're right, Harry. Maybe I don't really know you after all.'

A/N : Sorry for the delay! I was on holidays very far away from my computer!!

I hope this chapter wasn't too disappointing, it's not what I expected either but it came out like this…

I'd like to say enormous thank yous to my reviewers : Glassdreams, Artemis1000 and especially Sakai Michiba, my 1st ever reviewer!!! I love you guys!!! And I hope you're not too mad at me for taking so long to update, but it won't happen again, I promise.

Oh, and I really don't mind constructive criticism, especially about my English. And I could do with a beta-reader, too. J


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